12.19.2003
Good and Bad Glasses
I have what I call "good glasses" and "bad glasses." The good glasses are a newer wire frame pair with a newer prescription. The bad glasses are heavy plastic frames which I purchased something like 4 or 5 years ago when I decided they made me look "hip" and "cool."
In fact, they made me look stupid and unconsciously dorky because they never fit properly. Having a small nose without a bridge made the glasses constantly slip down the slope, giving me the appearance of an aging science geek who hadn't socialized with anyone since the invention of porn. Regardless, I've kept them for backup.
But my bad glasses are now going the way of Eeeevil Glasses as my good glasses are rapidly transforming themselves into bad glasses. (Work with me on the hierarchy here, people.)
My good glasses got dropped a couple times and once, Timothy sat on 'em (my fault as I'd left them on the sofa). As a result, the right lens has a tendency to pop out of the frame unexpectedly.
Imagine buying a book and having your clerk ringing you up with only one lens. Yeah, kinda makes you wish you'd upgraded your cell phone to the camera kind so you could pass the photo back and forth to your friends.
The sudden lens loss is embarrassing but the gradual process of the lens loosening is even worse. Somewhere between fitted and missing, the lens will tilt outward, from the top. Since I'm near-sighted, this creates the optical illusion that my eye is grossly misshapen. Misshapened. Whatever. You know know what I mean.
It makes me look like my right eye is thick and heavy lidded. Like I'm really, really baked and at any moment, could launch into a rant about the Dead show at Red R0cks in '85.
On the other hand, maybe I look more like a zombie ("Must...eat...braaaiiinsss").
All of this to say, I need new glasses, preferably a pair with durable lenses that will not scream to an officer, "Don't search the trunk!! Don't search the trunk!!"
Better get rollin on that shopping. But first, a chance to say goodbye to Good Glasses...
"Fare you well, fare you well, I love you more than words can tell..."